endurance.

It’s hard to believe but, I think this might be my very last blog post. In just 20 days, I’ll be landing in the United States. This year has been one of the most difficult years of my life. A year full of suffering, pain, and grief. When I signed up to go on this trip, I didn’t realize I was signing up to be 7,390 miles away from my mom while she is battling cancer. I didn’t realize I was signing up to be angry with God for most of the year. I didn’t realize I was signing up to feel abandoned by him completely at times. I didn’t realize I was signing up to be uncomfortable in every way possible and maybe even a little more. There’s a lot that I didn’t know going into this. I promise you I would’ve never left had I known. I still don’t fully understand the purpose in all of it but I know it’s not purposeless. After you spend 300 days questioning God, you get to know him better. I know that God is good. I know that he loves me immensely. He loves my family even more than I ever could. I know that He didn’t ask me to go on this trip “just because.” He is so intentional and I know that he knows so much more than I do. I can trust that this was best for me, and I hope to get a more clear understanding of why someday. But, even if I never do, I can find the good that has come out of this experience. Throughout this journey, I have seen God show up in all of the little things. From hearing birds that sound like home to the hundreds of cats I’ve been able to pet. Those are just 2 of my favorite examples but there is an abundance of little reminders that he cares about me. In each of them, he is saying “Don’t give up. I know it’s hard but look, I haven’t forgotten you. You can do it.” And He was right. I started this race running. After my mom’s diagnosis, I began to walk, then crawl, then creep. Then I got to a point where I needed to be dragged. But now, I’m standing at the finish line with tears in my eyes, as I look at my family and go in for a year-long awaited hug of relief. “I finally made it.” I didn’t think I would after such an excruciating start. But here I am. I did it and I will have everything that I’ve learned here with me for the rest of my life.

Isaiah 43:2