09/21 8:15pm

Feeling the need to blog right now. I’ve really been meaning to highlight everything that I am grateful for. There’s been so many instances of joy that I’ve felt but never gave attention to because of other stressors or things having my attention. I’ve been feeling so depressed lately. Sadness overwhelming me as soon as I wake up in the morning. Our team prayed over each other and where we are staying for protection, peace, and specifically against spirits of fear and depression.

I do not understand the spiritual realm that much. I don’t really know what it feels like to feel Jesus. I don’t really know what it feels like to experience spiritual warfare. I can’t see or feel presences and I’m almost too scared to learn about them but, I know that fear alone is enough to keep me in the darkness. I know that knowledge is power over that darkness. So I’m open to learning, I just don’t feel ready for that yet.

But, here’s a list of things that I’m grateful for since I left the states:

1. The views from the plane. 
   
   

I was absolutely terrified of being in a plane but knew I would LOVE the view from the sky, above the clouds. I’ve always wanted to see something like this in person and it was absolutely beautiful. I like how really big things make me realize how small we are and how big God is. Also being in a plane and seeing everything so tiny below us was another reminder of how big God is because we were just a speck in the sky. Perspective is so beautiful to me.

     2. The beauty of being somewhere new.

Being driven through the city and seeing all of the beautiful colors on the buildings, the different types of trees all around, and mountains everywhere. I loved being surrounded by Spanish street signs and advertisements. Something about it just feels so incredible. I am absolutely blessed to be experiencing something like this. I’m blessed to have even gotten on the plane in the first place. There is no way I would have ever earned enough money or PTO to live in Guatemala for 2 weeks let alone 2 months. What a beautiful perspective. I am so so grateful.

     3. Teressa! And the AIM base in Guatemala.

I cannot express to you how much love I have for this woman. I can’t even explain it because we just met. There is just something so special about her. She was the absolute sweetest! Although she didn’t speak any English, she was so good at communicating! Her smile and warmth was incredibly contagious and spoke more than her words. It was so beautiful trying to converse with her and all of the little celebrations together when we were understanding each other. Leaving the AIM base was so sad honestly. I’m going to miss Teresa and her cooking. 💛

     4. The f o o d!!

On this particular day, we helped Teresa in the kitchen by preparing the fruit. This French toast was the BEST I’ve ever had in my entire life. Don’t even get me started on the coffee… I was so blessed to be able to have multiple cups of it within the 2 days we stayed at the AIM base. It was so good and I miss that already. We are still in search of some quality at home coffee. PRAYERS… Anything will do at this point I’m so obsessed with coffee now. Also, this was just one meal of many. We had some of the best food and homemade tortillas. It was so amazing! I am so blessed.

     5. Kitty friends, hammocking, and another cup of coffee.

This is so cute because I was very heartbroken about leaving my babies (Maizie and Juniper) behind for 11 months. I remember talking to my mom on the phone about missing them and she said “maybe you’ll find a cat on the trip.” Sure enough, this sweet baby was living at the AIM base. During devotional in the morning, he sat with me and my cup of coffee. He even put his little paws on me but didn’t fully trust the hammock. I just love cats so much! So obviously I love him already, so much. He would come around during worship and orientation and crawl under all of our chairs. He also found a cricket to play with and that was exciting during a meeting. Such a sweet baby it was so hard leaving him too. I also really loved hammocking. I got super sunburned on my legs one day but overall it’s one of my favorite things to do. I forgot both of my hammocks at my moms house and a teammate of mine had an extra! So I’ve been able to use it as my own and it’s been so incredible. I am so grateful.

     6. Ministry partner.

I am so grateful for Isaac, our ministry partner, and his kindness and thoughtfulness for us in this ministry. In this very street I felt so much peace and thankfulness hearing him talk about his vision. He deeply values our personal relationships with God. One of my favorite things he told us was something like “yes you will be doing some hard work (manual labor), but that is not what this is about. I want you all to be right in your relationship with God because that is most important for showing people who he is”

I promise you he worded it so much better. But I was so happy to hear that. There was just something so kind about someone valuing personal time with God. Every Wednesday, we retreat and just talk to God. Listen for him, read his word etc… Going into missions I assumed it was serve day in, day out. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE people and I love serving! But we have to remember we serve a God who also wants us to receive. Receive his love, receive his peace, his joy…and so many other great things it would take so long to name them all! It just feels so good to know that God wants me to rest. He wants me to chat with him. He wants me to ask him for things. He just wants to be apart of my everyday life and would feel the exact same way about me even if I could never DO anything ever again. Because it’s not about DOING anything. It’s just about BEING with him. How exciting to be loved THAT much? I know God was looking out for me when he put me with this ministry. An absolutely fantastic first experience.

(Pictured Antigua)

     7. Ministry locations.

This goes hand in hand with how thoughtful Isaac is as a partner! Because of him we are staying on prayer mountain— which has an absolutely gorgeous view. You can watch the clouds roll into the hills. It’s very secluded and was a bit of an adjustment but honestly, I’m so happy to be here experiencing life outside of my comfort zone. This is my home Monday- Friday! We are doing a lot of work on this land making it a retreat for people to spend time with God just talking to him! It’s actually the sweetest thing ever. Sometimes I wish I was completely alone out here to just soak it all in but, I’m grateful for my team and I know I cannot do this journey alone. ALSO we have a secondary location on the weekends. Because of Isaac’s thoughtfulness, we are able to stay in Antigua every single weekend to explore and fall in love with Guatemala. This is so awesome! Antigua is so incredibly beautiful and the streets are lined with coffee shop after coffee shop. Lots of stores, tons of people, and the most beautiful colors. I cannot wait to explore more! Since it is a big city here in Guatemala, I know it will be full of so many amazing things.

     8. Familiar places.

Honestly, as much as I love being able to explore a ton of new things it’s always so comforting to see something familiar. Antigua has a Starbucks, Taco Bell, McDonalds, and a Little Caesar’s. If you don’t know— Little Caesars is my ultimate “comfort” food. Back in Omaha, when I had a day off, my favorite thing to do was order a pizza and eat in bed while watching a tv show. During training camp, on our Sabbath days, AIM ordered little Caesar’s for our dinner and it was like a wink from God that he sees me. Not only does he see me but he loves me so much, we had my favorite dinner together. So cute! Here in Antigua, these familiar places give me a little bit of that comfort from home mixed in with a brand new environment to admire.

     9. The team!

This team has been such a blessing. It’s been really amazing getting to know each other. I was apprehensive at first to opening up to a group of strangers, but I’ve been learning why that is so important. In the past, it has been difficult to share parts of my life with people because they’re wounds that I try to protect. God has been teaching me that in order to heal those wounds, I need to allow other people to take turns caring for them. This team has been loving me so well, and I’m still in the process of learning to accept that love. I am beyond grateful for their patience with me and their gentleness. It’s comforting to know that we will be spending our time in Romania together, continuing to build each other up and grow together.

     10. Serve Hope cafe.

I promise this isn’t another entry about coffee! Although I’ve tried some of the BEST coffee at this cafe— they’ve provided a LOT more than a boost in the morning and a quiet place to sit. Every purchase made at serve hope provides a water filter to a family in need. Safe drinking water is hard to come by— especially in the villages that we have been serving in. Going to house visits on Friday’s and seeing these filters being used by the families was so exciting! Not only has Serve Hope impacted the lives of many in these rural areas, our team uses these bucket filters for our water everyday! I am so grateful to have access to safe drinking water on this mountain. And even more grateful for Serve Hope, carrying out their mission throughout Guatemala, for others as well.

10/16

4:00pm

It’s almost been a month since I started this blog. Since then the Lord has shown me the reality of the spiritual realm. I knew about evil spirits or demons but didn’t think much of them. Two days ago, a teammate of ours was delivered from spiritual oppression. I never thought I would ever see anything like that in my life— let alone be closely apart of the process. I had no clue that spiritual oppression was a thing. For the first time in my life, I felt the presence and heaviness of 3 different evil spirits that were trying to cause chaos, create distraction, and silence our teammate. As they left her body I felt the overwhelming peace of the Holy Spirit enter. I would love to write more in depth about this, but I’m not sure it is my story to share. I can say since that day— nothing in my life will ever be the same.

Another teammate of ours had a dream a couple weeks prior, clearly depicting what happened 2 nights ago. A different teammate was praying in tongues— completely unaware of what was going on in the alley. None of these things were coincidence and I have learned that we are more than physical beings on a physical planet. I was absolutely amazed at the spiritual connection within our team and even more amazed that when our minds don’t understand, our spirit does and is ready to battle. I had been putting off writing this blog for so many reasons and am now realizing that the Lord wanted to answer my questions. All I had to do was be willing to watch and learn. I’m honestly still shocked about the whole experience— it doesn’t seem like it should be real— but it is so real! For some reason, this is exciting to me. I thought I would be fearful but I’m genuinely so grateful for and at peace about everything that I was able to experience that weekend.

The Lord has been preparing me for this moment for SO many years— I just had no idea until it was happening. I was using SCM, which is a restraint technique that I had learned almost 4 years ago at the Juvenile Home! I never thought I would use it again after leaving Boystown— especially not on a missions trip. The Lord also prepared me for this moment through my experience working in those places to be able to handle seeing the self destructive behavior our teammate was attempting, and hearing the suicidal statements she was making. It’s really wild but reassuring to realize that God is SO intentional about every little thing. His timing is perfect and his plan always prevails. Knowing this gives me faith that he really does have my life in his hands. It feels easier to trust in Him. I am still learning what full surrender and trust means, but I am excited to be taking more steps toward Him. I am forever grateful for his loving patience.

John 14:29

“I have told you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe.”