following God’s plan isn’t always glamorous.

09/01/23

I thought that’s how it worked. I thought I would surrender my plans for his and everything would be smooth sailing. For the most part it was. Even looking back on the timeline from applying for the race to being accepted is a great example of this. The whole process took 4 days… 4 DAYS! That is so quick but on trend with the way God has moved in my life before. There have been blessings on blessings these past 2 months. My faith continues to grow, seeing how he has provided for me over and over again. But, while my spirit knows that His plan is perfect and His timing is perfect, my physical self is having a hard time believing that.

About a month before launch, I started packing up my apartment, little by little, while working full time. This was one of the hardest things for me to do. I was absolutely overwhelmed with the task of trying to figure out what to keep, what to donate, and what to throw away. I had condensed my life from the past 2 years into 5 boxes and it was painful. Leaving Omaha was incredibly painful as well. I never thought I would feel that way because the first year that I lived there, I was missing my family and Michigan so much that I wanted to move back. But year 2 in Omaha was so different. Of course I still missed my family here and there, but I had so many opportunities to see them because of my new job Nannying. Going on the World Race meant leaving everything behind. Going on the World Race meant having to accept the fact that I can’t just come back, after 11 months, to the same life I had before. If I’m being honest, I haven’t fully accepted that one yet. I think that’s the entire point of following God. It takes sacrifice and at the end of the day, I don’t care about all of the things that I threw out or donated. I care about the people that I met there and it’s absolutely terrifying to let go and trust God when your heart is so incredibly heavy with grief. Especially when I felt like he called me to Omaha, provided me a job that I absolutely loved, and led me to the most incredible people. This is just so heavy and it doesn’t make sense right now.

9/11/23

Reflecting on what I had written a little over a week ago is so interesting to me. I remember those feelings and fears so clearly but I don’t resonate with them anymore. I am so incredibly grateful that God led me to the race and he chose me to go on this journey. I know He is doing work in me. He has brought out deep, deep hurts into the light. It’s only been a week and I already feel like a brand new person. I cannot imagine what he will do with 11 months!

For the first time in my life, I feel so at peace. God keeps showing me how truly freeing it is to live life with him. I used to think that having a relationship with God came with having a standard to live up to. I am so excited to tell you how wrong I was! God just wants to be your best friend! He wants to love you exactly where you’re at! Matthew 11:28 says: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Hey! That’s us! We are ALL weary and burdened. We are human and we aren’t perfect. We can NEVER be perfect— perfection doesn’t even exist! So why do we love to strive for something that isn’t even real?? I’ve struggled with this for so long! I am so overjoyed to know that having a relationship with God is SO much easier than it’s made out to be. I’ve allowed religion, rules, standards… whatever you want to call them, overcomplicate my relationship with God. The reality is, I invited God into my heart, to heal it. I invited him in to give me greater purpose. I invited him in to experience more love, more joy, more peace, more patience, more kindness… Because that is a life that I WANT to live. Not a life that I HAVE to live. Do you know how FREEING this is? We can seriously just sit back and allow God to work on our hearts and change our ways in His timing. I find so much peace and comfort in knowing that God knew everything that I’ve ever done in my life, intentionally and unintentionally, and still CHOSE ME!! Wow, that’s so amazing!! Do you know how important you are? That God knows your whole life story… past, present, and future… and still put you on this planet?! That voice that gets in your head and tells you that you are not doing enough, you are not good enough, you are a failure or a mistake, you are unworthy of love… the list goes on… is NOT from God. God would never speak to you that way. He is proud of you and he wants you here and he wants to walk on the waves of life with you. There is absolutely no pressure to be anything other than yourself. Mess and all. He will take care of you if you let him. 💛

Matthew 6:25-27.