a mustard seed of faith.

As the race gets closer, my mind has been getting faster. The past few weeks, I’ve been struggling with many doubts. I’ve been feeling like I made a mistake in saying “yes” to the race.

I was sitting at about 7% funded when this all started. Most of my doubts at 7% were:

“What if nobody wants to donate?”

“I can’t think of any fundraiser ideas.”

“I’m going to have to go on the next trip.”

“What if this isn’t where God led me?”

But to be honest, the doubts have been there since I said “yes.”

06/29, I sent out my first text to my lovely prayer team. Unfortunately, 2 members of the team dropped out earlier that week and I was left feeling incredibly discouraged. I didn’t understand why, really. At the time this was like pouring gasoline all over the fiery doubt that the race was not in God’s plan for me. I was feeling incredibly anxious because I sold my car in order to help fund this trip. I prayed over that as well, because I didn’t want to make the wrong move. In my last blog, I had mentioned that it sold immediately after listing it— and that it was a reminder that God always has my back. But this was so unexpected and I thought that maybe they were right and I shouldn’t go on the race. I was so worried about what I was going to do if I didn’t go on the race. My other plan was to go back to Michigan, but I deposited the money into my fundraiser already and there was no way I could get it back. So I did what I do best. I cried. And I was pretty angry. “Where are you God? I’ve done this and that… and I still don’t see you.” I was asking for signs. Literal street signs at this point. I did get one… “race road” and I laughed because God is funny. But that wasn’t what I needed. And he knew that.

In the midst of ALL of the discouragement God provided an abundance of fundraising ideas. While I was looking for keychains for my prayer team, I stumbled upon these faith keychains.

I thought “hmmm… well let me buy 20 and see what happens. They’re fairly inexpensive so it won’t hurt much.” As soon as I posted the keychains… they sold out. I had to order a lot more. And then they sold out again! Okay God, I see you! Who knew— just a mustard seed of faith can move mountains. I told you, God has a sense of humor.

Not only THAT but one morning I literally opened my eyes and had a crazy idea. I’ve been helping my sister, Jessica, with her candle company. I created a logo for her months prior to knowing about the race, because she wanted to have a side gig for whenever she started a family later in life. The wild idea was to get it going NOW and use it as a fundraiser. She would have business exposure/ advertising, and I would have some funding. So I asked her, thinking that maybe she wouldn’t be quite ready for that step because she had JUST learned how to make candles— but she said yes! So, that same day we made our first post and the orders were flying in… not only did he provide funding… he provided a business for my sister and her family… yes, as I’m writing this Jessica is expecting a baby, January 2024. 💛

God is so good.

Today is 08/05

Since then, I have seen God show up time and time again. We raised almost $500 selling keychains at a couple shows my dad did, playing live music. We weren’t expecting more than $20 each time. The even crazier part is hardly anyone took keychains, they just gave. We’ve also sold 20+ candles bringing in a generous amount of funding. Another WILD thing that happened is someone donated $700+ to my Nintendo Switch fundraiser… this one made zero sense to me because that person could’ve purchased 2 Nintendo Switch consoles at that amount… but I won’t question the Lord. I am beyond grateful.

As I write this, I am 36% funded and on track to 40% by the deadline. I am going on the World Race!!

Praise God!!!

BUT WAIT… there’s more. More doubts… again??? I KNOW, I know. How?? How could I possibly have any doubts…

Recently, a race friend of mine, Ashley, hit 100% funded! I was excited but equally discouraged? From my perspective, it was like people were throwing money at her.

My mind was consumed with thoughts of:

“What is she doing that I’m not doing?”

“Should I fast?”

“Do I need to pray more?”

“Is it because I don’t go to church?”

“Does God love her more than me”

That last one was crazy. I can’t believe I ever had a thought like that. But I felt it… and I thought it! But, it only took me a good 5 minutes to dispute it. I’m telling you, I’m getting better at this. It’s a LONG walk.. but I’m walking! I’ve learned that God’s plan, and his timing look different on everyone. If it were a formula to solve or a code to crack, there’d be no reason to have FAITH in him, or a relationship with him. If all I had to do was follow the instructions to get the result I wanted… I wouldn’t have to have faith. We have different experiences for a reason. We have to— I believe these differences are so incredibly important in relating with one another.

I know I can’t be the only person in the world that has struggled with these feelings. If you’re reading this, and you relate, I’m here to tell you that it’s okay. God provided for me even when I was angry and disappointed with him. He never turned his back on me. He kept showing up even when I didn’t deserve it. Because he LOVES me unconditionally. And he LOVES you just as much! Change doesn’t happen overnight but, if your heart is in God’s hands, and you have a tiny mustard seed of faith, you will be amazed at what he can do in your life. 💛

I am at peace knowing that this is HIS plan for my life. I may not be fully funded right now but, I have no doubts. I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but I know it will be done.

Matthew 17:20